Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat

Original cat comedy · Series collection · Fiction

Clementine has put her concerns in writing, at least in this imaginary correspondence. Her ten letters address the human, the clock, the laundry, and other parties failing to appreciate the complexity of her preferences. The voice is affectionate, grand, and only mildly wounded. These fictional comic monologues are meant for anyone who has looked at a cat’s expression and supplied the dialogue themselves. Read whichever complaint suits the day. Beneath the sarcasm, Clementine is rather fond of the household—she simply sees considerable room for administrative improvement.

Read the ten stories

  1. Dear Human, Your Meeting Could Have Been a Nap

    Dear Human, I observed your meeting from the chair beside your desk. Several people spoke, yet nobody moved the blanket or opened a useful cupboard.

  2. Dear Alarm Clock, We Are Not Colleagues

    Dear Alarm Clock, I understand that you believe we share a profession. Both of us occasionally encourage the human to wake up.

  3. Dear Black Trousers, Consider This a Collaboration

    Dear Black Trousers, You arrived in the household looking very certain of your own color. I have contributed a few pale hairs to broaden the composition.

  4. Dear Phone, You Have Had Enough Attention

    Dear Phone, I have reviewed the amount of time the human spends looking at you. It is excessive, particularly given your limited ability to purr.

  5. Dear Vacuum, This Relationship Is Strictly Professional

    Dear Vacuum, I understand your role in the household. You arrive, make an announcement nobody requested, and remove evidence that I have been here.

  6. Dear Visitor, Please Let Me Decide Whether We Are Friends

    Dear Visitor, Welcome to the household. The human appears pleased to see you, which is a promising reference but not a completed application.

  7. Dear Calendar, I Do Not Recognize the Weekend

    Dear Calendar, You have divided the week into categories that do not correspond with the apartment’s actual requirements.

  8. Dear Clean Sheets, I Arrived First in Spirit

    Dear Clean Sheets, I saw the human carry you from the cupboard and recognized immediately that the bed would require inspection.

  9. Dear Cardboard Box, I Apologize for the Brief Relationship

    Dear Box, For three days, you were everything. I admired your corners, your quiet interior, and the way you made an ordinary stretch of floor feel like a private address.

  10. Dear Human, I Have Decided to Keep You

    Dear Human, Following an extensive review, I have decided to continue our arrangement.

Another corner of the cat household

The Sunbeam Residents’ Association

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