Dear Clean Sheets, I Arrived First in Spirit

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Clean Sheets,

I saw the human carry you from the cupboard and recognized immediately that the bed would require inspection.

She insists that she must finish making it before I settle down. I question the order of operations. How can she assess the final arrangement without including its principal occupant?

My position near the middle is intentional. It gives me access to several possible futures while making it difficult for the fitted corner to become anyone else’s priority.

The human eventually encourages me onto a nearby blanket while she completes the task. I cooperate, though I reserve the right to look as if a great injustice has occurred.

Once you are in place, I return. Your surface is smooth, cool, and conspicuously free of my contribution.

This will change gradually and without paperwork.

Welcome to the bed,
Clementine

P.S. The human describes the finished room as fresh and peaceful. I agree. She should take a photograph quickly, because I am about to test whether lying diagonally improves the composition.

Keep the comedy going

Part of Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat.

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