Dear Phone, You Have Had Enough Attention

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Phone,

I have reviewed the amount of time the human spends looking at you. It is excessive, particularly given your limited ability to purr.

You light up. So does the afternoon window. You make noises. The washing machine does that without demanding to accompany her everywhere.

I recognize that you contain photographs of me. This is a valuable service and should continue. However, the original subject is frequently available within arm’s reach and offers considerably more texture.

Yesterday I placed myself between you and the human. She photographed the intervention, then continued looking at you. Your ability to convert criticism into further attention is impressive and deeply inconvenient.

I propose scheduled breaks during which you lie face down and the human remembers she has two hands.

One can remain available for whatever mysterious work you require. The other has a clear and immediate assignment beside my cheek.

Yours with limited patience,
Clementine

P.S. Your battery runs out. My disappointment does not, although it can be redirected by a sufficiently good nap.

Keep the comedy going

Part of Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat.

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