Dear Human, I Have Decided to Keep You

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Human,

Following an extensive review, I have decided to continue our arrangement.

There are areas for improvement. You leave comfortable seats, misunderstand several looks, and occasionally close doors with no appreciation of their dramatic implications.

However, you also notice when I want company. You provide familiar routines, comfortable spaces, and a place beside you that remains available even after I have ignored it for an entire afternoon.

I have complained about your phone, your laundry, and your calendar. Please understand that detailed feedback is a form of sustained interest, at least in this correspondence.

When you come home and say my name, I sometimes pretend I was not waiting. We both know more than either of us says.

So yes, I will keep you. The position is demanding, but you have become quite good at it.

Affectionately,
Clementine

P.S. You may sit down now. I have no immediate requests beyond sharing the sofa for a while. Try not to turn this into an announcement. Some of our best arrangements work quietly.

Keep the comedy going

Part of Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat.

Read next: Dear Human, Your Meeting Could Have Been a Nap.

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