Dear Human, Your Meeting Could Have Been a Nap

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Human,

I observed your meeting from the chair beside your desk. Several people spoke, yet nobody moved the blanket or opened a useful cupboard.

You said you were “circling back.” I do this before lying down, and I strongly recommend completing the process.

Another person promised to “take it offline.” I assumed this meant joining me on the rug. Apparently it meant another meeting, an outcome I would describe as a failure of imagination.

You looked tired afterward. I looked rested, although we had spent the same hour in the same room.

I am not suggesting that your work lacks value. It pays for the room, which I appreciate. I merely propose that certain conversations might benefit from fewer participants and more cushions.

Tomorrow I will demonstrate a more efficient format: brief arrival, minimal commentary, prolonged stillness.

Attendance is optional, but I have reserved your chair.

Affectionately,
Clementine

P.S. If someone asks for action items, mine is to remain exactly where I am.

Keep the comedy going

Part of Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat.

Read next: Dear Alarm Clock, We Are Not Colleagues.

For more feline personality, explore CyberPussyKatz’s Wacky Cat Designs & Funny Cat Apparel.