Dear Alarm Clock, We Are Not Colleagues

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Alarm Clock,

I understand that you believe we share a profession. Both of us occasionally encourage the human to wake up.

There are important differences.

You operate at a fixed time. I respond to a complex combination of opportunity, personal preference, and whether the bedroom door is available for comment.

You can be silenced with one button. I maintain a broader range of communication methods, including appearing beside the pillow and becoming difficult to ignore through presence alone.

Most significantly, the human thanks neither of us, yet she calls only one of us beautiful. I suggest reflecting on this distinction before claiming equal status.

When you sound tomorrow, please allow me to conduct the follow-up. Your repeated beeping lacks nuance and interferes with my expression of quiet disappointment.

We can cooperate without becoming a team.

Regards,
Clementine

P.S. On weekends, your absence has been noted. I continue providing service, although the human seems inexplicably less appreciative of my commitment when you are off duty.

Keep the comedy going

Part of Letters from Your Mildly Disappointed Cat.

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