The Lifetime Achievement Award for Ignoring Expensive Things

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Agnes received the lifetime achievement award after rejecting a remarkable range of thoughtfully chosen purchases.

The presentation included a plush bed, a carefully selected toy, and a cushion described online as irresistible. Agnes’s relationship with each had been brief and professionally distant.

Rupert noted that she never allowed price to influence her judgment. A free carton could receive her full attention while an expensive object remained untouched inches away.

The human called this frustrating. The academy called it integrity.

Agnes approached the trophy stand, which did not exist, and sat beside the envelope, which also did not exist but had excellent conceptual packaging.

Her acceptance remarks were short. She thanked nobody responsible for the purchases, then leaned affectionately against the human who had bought them.

The audience softened. Perhaps the things had never been the point.

Then Agnes noticed the bag the purchases came in and left the emotional moment unfinished.

Rupert announced a commercial break. The human decided that next year’s gift budget would include considerably more cardboard.

Keep the comedy going

Part of The Golden Whisker Household Awards.

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