The Doormat Must Declare Its Outside Interests

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

The doormat smelled different after the human returned from visiting a friend. This raised immediate questions about undisclosed outside interests.

Crumb circled it twice. Olive inspected one corner. Pickle stood on the word WELCOME and announced, through posture alone, that the wording was excessively generous.

The mat declined to explain itself. It had also failed to attend every residents’ meeting since installation, a pattern Crumb described as troubling.

The human said it was just a doormat. Olive felt this response ignored the larger governance issue: who, exactly, had been welcomed, and had they brought another cat’s smell?

A temporary barrier was established using Crumb’s body. It remained effective until someone opened a food cupboard elsewhere in the apartment.

On his return, Crumb discovered the human wiping her shoes on the subject of an active investigation.

He added “possible evidence tampering” to the report.

The final recommendation was to replace WELCOME with WE WILL GET BACK TO YOU. Pickle approved the shorter visitor hours.

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