Classified Ad: Reliable Human Wanted for Door Duties

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

POSITION AVAILABLE: A resident cat seeks an assistant capable of opening one interior door repeatedly without introducing unnecessary questions.

Duties include opening the door when approached, remaining available while the applicant considers the threshold, and accepting that entering the room may not be the eventual objective.

Previous experience with hinges is desirable. A cheerful attitude is optional; a willingness to stop saying “in or out?” is essential.

Hours vary. The successful candidate must understand that a door can become urgent shortly after it has been closed at the applicant’s apparent request.

Compensation includes occasional proximity, unpredictable affection, and the opportunity to tell visitors that they are “the favorite,” subject to review.

The current assistant may reapply. Their performance has been satisfactory in mechanical terms but weakened by commentary.

Applications should be submitted by appearing at the door when required. No résumé is necessary; the applicant intends to sit on it anyway.

The Gazette does not guarantee placement. Biscuit has already filled the position with the same human and increased the responsibilities.

Keep the comedy going

Part of The Windowsill Gazette.

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