Your Complaint Has Been Escalated to Another Cushion

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Noodle promised that the complaint would reach someone senior. He then carried it, in his imagination, from the blue cushion to the green one.

Senior Representative Dumpling occupied the green cushion. He had been promoted after remaining there through an entire vacuuming session in another room.

The complaint concerned a human sitting in the customer’s preferred chair. Dumpling reviewed the evidence with both eyes closed.

After twenty minutes, he recommended waiting nearby until the human moved. Noodle described this as a tailored resolution strategy.

The customer noted that this was what she had already been doing.

Dumpling added a second option: sit somewhere else and make the human feel confused rather than useful.

This proved effective. The human rose to offer the preferred chair. The customer remained elsewhere, preserving her negotiating position.

Noodle marked the case resolved. Dumpling returned to his previous task, which was indistinguishable from his managerial duties.

The customer left a review: “Support was slow, but the outcome appropriately inconvenienced everyone.”

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