Best Performance as a Cat Who Has Never Been Fed

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Rupert opened the envelope with his imagination. The winner of Best Performance as a Cat Who Has Never Been Fed was, once again, Agnes.

Agnes had delivered her nominated performance eleven minutes after breakfast. Witnesses praised her hollow-eyed conviction, although the eyes looked perfectly ordinary until someone approached the kitchen.

The human submitted evidence of the earlier meal. The judges ruled that this was an acting award, not a documentary category.

Agnes accepted from beside her bowl. Her speech consisted of one meow so persuasive that a visiting friend asked whether she had eaten.

Rupert described this as proof of extraordinary range. The human described it as her everyday life.

The runner-up, Basil, had weakened his campaign by visibly leaving food in his bowl before beginning his performance. Judges admired the confidence but questioned the continuity.

Agnes dedicated the award to everyone who believed in her. This excluded the human, who had washed the breakfast spoon and therefore knew too much.

The trophy was imaginary. Agnes requested something more convincing.

Keep the comedy going

Part of The Golden Whisker Household Awards.

Read next: Outstanding Achievement in Blocking a Hallway.

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