A Warranty Claim for the Cat Bed Nobody Uses

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Support,

I bought a bed described as luxurious. My cat sleeps beside it. Can you help?

Dear Human,

Thank you for your purchase. Please confirm whether you have publicly described the bed as “your special new bed” while looking directly at the intended user.

Yes? This may have introduced expectation into the installation process.

Our products work best when discovered independently, preferably after the packaging has received more attention than the item itself.

You report that the bed is soft, clean, and placed in a quiet corner. These are excellent specifications. Unfortunately, our warranty does not cover a cat’s sudden interest in the spot where you left a sweater.

We recommend making peace with the bed’s secondary function as evidence of your generosity.

If the cat eventually uses it, please refrain from announcing success too loudly. The customer may wish to experience the decision as entirely original.

Regards,
Noodle

Follow-up: The cat used the bed while the human was out. The warranty remains disputed because neither party is willing to concede anything.

Keep the comedy going

Part of The Feline Customer Service Desk.

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