We Have Closed Your Ticket Because You Looked Away

Original cat comedy · Short read · Fiction

Dear Customer,

We are pleased to inform you that your complaint about the unavailable armchair has been resolved.

Our automated system detected that you looked out the window for approximately six seconds. Under our inactivity policy, this indicates acceptance.

You may reopen the case by returning to the armchair and reproducing the original dissatisfied expression. Please note that a new human may now occupy the seat, requiring a separate investigation.

We understand your concern that the previous human was you, until you stood up. Unfortunately, seat continuity is not covered under the standard agreement.

Premium support is available from the top of the backrest. It offers elevated visibility but no additional authority.

Thank you for choosing a household with chairs. We know you have other options, including the floor, the sofa, and whichever clean garment was most recently laid out.

Yours sincerely,
Noodle

P.S. Your reopened complaint has now been closed because you fell asleep while preparing it. We regard this as the strongest possible evidence of satisfaction.

Keep the comedy going

Part of The Feline Customer Service Desk.

Read next: Ticket 001: My Human Keeps Getting Up.

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